How It’s Going…
To say the past month has been a challenge is an understatement. Historically, the end of May going into June has never been a good time. Perhaps it's the transition into summer and disruption of our schedule that triggers a tailspin for me or maybe it's just the seasonal aspect of things. All I know is no matter how well I try to set myself up for success, I always fall apart this time of year.
Summer is not a relaxing time in our house. All four of the boys are on the swim team, which involves 7:30am practice times stacked one on top of the other until 12:30pm and 6am swim meets every weekend. Then I'm in a scramble every day to try and prepare lunch for everyone, which let's face it, is probably one of my least favorite things to do on planet earth. Nobody is happy with any one dish that I make and it's becoming increasingly impossible to keep my 14-year-old from being hungry again 10 minutes after finishing. However, I've found that Trader Joe's frozen bag meals like Orange Chicken has been a saving grace for me and if I miss a week of being able to go, I'm embarrassed to say I have a much tougher time making it through the week in one piece.
To top things off, and what is probably the most precarious situation, is my decision to return to school again to get my PMHNP (Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner) license. I say 'again' because the stress of returning, combined with the time of year, and a whole host of other stressors put me in the hospital two years ago and I dropped out… as it nearly did last year, causing me to drop out again. So, what better decision to make then try it for the third year! See the pattern here? Kids' school is out for summer, swim team, work, my school, breakdown, repeat. BUT I am determined to try and finish this summer and if I can't do it, then I'm done with the whole idea. What other choice do I have?
So, when I reached my breaking point again a couple of weeks ago and made an emergency call to my doctor, we upped my medication to try and keep me out of the hospital and functional at home, work and school. It worked… sort of. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of functional and collapse all at the same time. I'm best at work and worst at home and school swings wildly between the two. I don't know if any of you find that true for yourselves. Swim team is done after this week, thank goodness and there are vacations to be looked forward to although school hangs over them a bit like a dark cloud. But for this exact second in time, I'm ok. As for the next, we'll see when it comes.
