Saturday Thoughts
Why, oh why must there always be guilt associated with being tired and sleeping? This morning we were supposed to wake up at 5am to get all 4 boys to a swim meet but my oldest came down stairs at about 4:30am with a high fever so I stayed home with him while all the others set off for the meet. Then, I fell back asleep until 10:15 and was still tired when I tried to force myself to get up. My oldest is still sleeping peacefully and it's almost lunch so he must need it with whatever bug he is fighting. But truthfully, I need to take that same outlook toward myself. When the rare opportunity comes for me to sleep late, why can't I just appreciate it instead of it causing even more stress? However, I am slightly disappointed about missing the swim meet because I worked so hard yesterday during a break at work to finish an assignment early just so that I could attend. But that extra sleep… a priceless blessing in disguise because I guess both my son and I needed it.
One thing that's been really bothering me lately is my weight, which I attribute mostly to my psychiatric medication. I've always been a very thin person. Even after my 3rd child, I stayed slim. But after my 4th, I changed my medication regime and the result has been an extra 25-30lbs that I am finding impossible to lose. I am not truly overweight but I just don't feel good in my own skin. I started running but it's like jogging with a 30lb vest on and I've made barely any progress with endurance and certainly haven't lost any weight. I am the most stable I've been in a long time so the thought of changing medication is terrifying to me. I've managed to lose a few pounds before with restricting calories but it was too hard and wasn't sustainable for me. I will be discussing it with my doctor at the next visit to hear what she has to say about it. Perhaps there are some changes that we can make that won't rock the boat too much.
Next week my oldest and I are going to NYC to visit. My other boys are a bit young but I'll take them there when they get a little older. I haven't been back since I moved there when I was 18-years-old for dramatic arts school. It wasn't a good time in my life at all so I rarely, if ever, tell people this fact about me. We are going to the ballet and to see a Broadway show and to just experience the city in general. I think he's going to be blown away by it. New York is like nothing else.
That's all for now!
