My Medication Journey
When I tell patients who are in the depths of depression not to give up, there is something out there that can help them - I mean it. I speak from experience. My medication journey wasn't smooth or easy. I have yet to hear of one that is. But for me, it changed my entire life and was so, so worth it.
When I was young and first developing symptoms, my mother refused to acknowledge that I might need the help of a psychiatrist and instead tried all sorts of herbs, tinctures, acupuncture, etc. They did nothing and my symptoms continued to get worse and worse and I suffered more and more. It wasn't until I was old enough to be out from under her control that I was able to get myself the proper help I needed from an actual psychiatrist. From that point on there was hope. Someone saw my symptoms for what they were and actually understood what I was going through. So, this is where the story begins, not ends. I was young (19 years old) and still lacked the insight to understand what being bipolar actually meant and that it would require an ongoing amount of care. I'd take medication, feel better, and then consider myself "cured" and go off of it. This would trigger another manic episode followed by a deep depression and have me crawling back to the doctor again. Thus continued a cycle for about 3 years until I realized that I needed to stay on the medication indefinitely. I finally was put on a medication that seemed to fit well for me and I stayed on it. This is where my life turned around. I went to nursing school, got married and had 4 children. But the thing about medication is that as your life changes, sometimes your needs change, requiring a dose adjustment or flat out change to a different drug.
The stress of having a large family was not cutting it for my current medication. It became increasingly clear I needed a traditional mood stabilizer and antipsychotic to keep my symptoms at bay. And even then, the process of finding the right combination sucked, quite frankly. I tried lithium, which worked great only I discovered that I have psoriasis while on it and spots began popping up in more and more places causing me to need another medication, which I wasn't too pleased about. I get agitated easily so we tried Depakote, which also works well but if you read my previous posts, the extra 30lbs I am carrying is very upsetting. I went to a specialist on bipolar who works with my current psychiatrist and he stressed my need to be on lithium with such intensity that I thought his head might explode. 20 years back I did very well on Wellbutrin but I was without a mood stabilizer and when I went off it (again because I thought I was cured) the result was another manic episode.
For the time being I am doing ok. I am handling work and school and family life but I do want to see if there is something I can do to mitigate the weight since diet and exercise aren't cutting it. I am open to making changes but it makes me nervous because I've been doing pretty well up until school started and the increased stress of that upset the apple-cart. We'll see at my appointment next week and I trust my psychiatrist's advice and expertise.
That's another thing I cannot stress enough. You've got to find a doctor you trust and who's willing to let you have a say in your own care. You two should function as a team. A doctor who dismisses you, isn't one you want to keep. It may take a while and it's hard to find a good one but don't give up on this either. I guess the take-away from this is simply, don't give up. Don't give up on finding a medication to help, on yourself, on your life.